If you’ve ever been to New England then you know that there is no finer food than the humble lobster roll. So elegant in it’s simplicity, this former “poor people food” is now de riguer on any upscale “fish shack’s” menu. Butter grilled bun and hot, fresh succulent lobster- end of story. Oh, there are certainly those in the cold, lobster salad roll camp, but the kind of person who pairs mayonnaise with lobster is probably the person asking for extra lemon-poppy-seed-remolade-chipotle-pepper-vinaigrette-aioli for their triple play grand slam appetizer fiesta at the the local Chilis-Too-Go.

Lobster. Mayonnaise. Never the two shall twain. It’s just not to be done. Period. But I digress a bit.

This tasty hot, buttery good, lobster roll is from The Monkey Farm in Old Saybrook CT. This is exactly how you want to get a lobster roll: hot (did I mention hot?), butter grilled bun, crispy fries and side of slaw and under $15. Honestly, the fries and slaw are really just garnish – so slather some mayo and malt-vinegar on those Sysco fries!

Two things: NEVER pay more than $15 for a lobster roll unless Thomas Keller and Barbara Lynch make it table side – at your kitchen table. Then you can pay up to $25 and that’s only if Barbara Lynch BYOB’s. It blows my mind  - literally figuratively – out of my skull, when I see lobster rolls in New England for twenty plus dollars. Lobsters are like 8 bucks a pound and no matter how much CIA training you’ve had or how much thermidor-champagne-cognac-meuniere-beurre-blanc-sauce you drown that poor red bastard in, it’s still not worth $25. Ever.

The second thing is: don’t buy lobster more than 100 miles from the source. There’s not much sadder than the bucket of tired, road weary crustaceans slowly dying of fatigue in a tank marked ”Live Maine Lobsters” at the Ferry Building in San Francisco. Keep on walking down to the the Dungeness crab tank (and grab some salty pig parts from Boccalone while you’re at it). You’ll thank me later.

Have good lobster roll joint? Let us know! We also like Roy Moore’s in Rockport MA. It’s BYOB and 8-10 bucks a pop for a roll made from losters boiled in freakin’ seawater.